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Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Public Transport - Bah, Humbug! - A Moronblogger Rant

So I wasn't going to do one of these so soon (wanted to do posts on youth, life and death, you know, the light stuff), but RapidKL (a damned oxymoron if ever there was one) has finally pissed me off beyond all recognition. So, here's a moronblogger rant to start the day off with.

The definitive list of why Public Transport sucks

1. Timing and scheduling

There are countries in the world where, whatever you think of the politics, socio-economic milieu, or whatever else, they actually make the damned trains run on time. Germany, at least as of 10 years ago, was one such place - to the extent that should a train run later than normal, even by as little as a minute, they actually give every passenger a fucking excuse letter to show their boss!

Then, you also have countries where the variation is ~5-10 minutes. Still within acceptable parameters, really - Australia is one, Singapore is another.

And you have UTTERLY FUCKED UP places like KL, Malaysia, where they can't even get the crummy, shitty buses to run once an hour when they're supposed to come every 20 mins! You've had two years to come up with a timetable that's even halfway accurate, and all you can say is "Natch"?

2. Comfort

Listen up, you motherfuckers, we the customers of your public transportation system (whichever one it may be), we are Homo sapiens. Thinking Man, comprende? Do we look like sardines to you? No? Then why for the love of all that's holy do you INSIST on PACKING US INTO YOUR BLOODY TINCAN TRAINS like we are?

3. Professionalism

That's assuming you cocksuckers can even read! Half of the bus drivers are stoned off their ass on some shit or another, possibly crack; the other half are perverted dickheads, and in neither case do they actually have a damned license to operate a 10 ton vehicle other than a ballistic missile. I actually, on the day of my college exams, saw a bus crash into a Land Rover RIGHT OUTSIDE MY HOUSE! The bus was sloghtly dented, and the people were fine (so was the bus driver, may he spend 10,000 years as a female camel in Saudi Arabia), but the Land Rover was smashed to all hell and the driver bled all over my college mate's car on the way to the hospital.

4. Maintenance

Look, this is not so hard. Clean the damned trains, trams and buses. It's not rocket science, for fuck's sake. We're not asking for scented towellettes and orange juice everytime we get on board. Just common, decent cleanliness, so that we don't step on someone's leftover gum, or spooge left there from two minks banging each other. Or sitting on such.

And for crying out loud, regular checkups of the equipment, OK? "Dear valued customers, due to technical difficulties the duration between each train is now 7-10 minutes. We are sorry and apologise for the inconvenience." The HELL you are and the HELL you do! If you were really sorry, you won't let it get all FUBAR and SNAFUed in the FIRST PLACE!!! And don't fucking apologise, assholes, FIX IT!!!!!

5. Pricing

Do you know, to get from London to Blackpool by British Rail, and this was 15 years ago now, could cost up to GBP1000 for a group of four? Oh, but buy our yearly family discount pass for GBP200 and kids below 16 can ride for GBP1! WTF?

And why is it that to ride ONE station costs RM1.00 but to ride TEN stations costs RM2.50? Are you serious? Do you bozos (RIP to the original and best Bozo, who was easily 100x smarter than these other clowns running the show) even sit down and plan your pricing strategies, or do you just get stoned and make it up as you go along?

And this is not even to mention the corruption and nepotism going on in tender exercises!

Rant over.

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